Finding out you are pregnant when you were not planning to start a family can be overwhelming. Some women know from the moment they see the positive pregnancy test that they are not at a place in their lives where they can raise a child. Others may not be sure how they want to move forward and spend time exploring their options.
Women who decide not to keep their babies – but who are not interested in having an abortion – may choose to place their baby for adoption. Healthy women who can carry their babies to term find adoption a reasonable alternative to abortion. There are four different types of adoption plans available to birth mothers and their partners. The one you choose determines how involved you will be in your baby’s life after the adoption process is complete.
Adoption agencies guide birth mothers on the journey, making sure they have what they need to enjoy a healthy pregnancy and a positive birth experience. What happens to the birth mother after the baby is born and placed with his or her new family? Care Net Pregnancy Centers of Albuquerque can provide expectant mothers with the assistance they need before, during, and after the baby’s birth and placement. Here is what you can expect once your baby is with his or her adoptive family.
Feelings of grief, guilt, and loss
Even if you opt for open adoption and have some involvement in your baby’s life, birth mothers can still go through periods where they feel profound grief and loss. An adoption is a life-changing event for the child and the birth parents. Birth mothers, especially, may find themselves going through what is known as the five stages of grief. The term was made famous by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Birth mothers may go through some or all these stages. Birth mothers who are unsure whether they can completely cut ties with their children should opt for open adoption. Care Net’s staff can put birth mothers in touch with adoption agencies that offer this option.
Another common feeling after an adoption is guilt. It is human nature to second-guess our decisions in life. Placing a child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions a woman and her partner will ever make. Feeling guilty afterward is normal, especially for women who may be relieved by their choice not to raise their children.
Difficulty forming relationships
Persistent feelings of grief, guilt, and loss can make it difficult for birth mothers to form meaningful relationships after placing their children for adoption. If shame is part of the equation after an adoption, birth mothers may feel like they can never be open and honest with new people in their lives without the fear of judgment for their decision. Choosing adoption is one of the most loving things birth mothers can do for their babies. Birth mothers who struggle with this – and with forming new relationships because of it – can find solace in sharing their stories with other women in the same position. Care Net’s staff can put birth mothers in touch with group counseling options that allow them to explore their feelings with other women going through the same experience.
Dealing with inappropriate questions
Some people have no filters when it comes to the questions they blurt out. Even some otherwise well-meaning people can say the most insensitive things to birth mothers who have chosen adoption for their babies. As a rule, you should never ask someone questions about something as personal as adoption. If they are comfortable sharing their experiences and feelings with you, then they will do so voluntarily. Birth mothers who encounter individuals who lob inappropriate and insensitive comments or questions at them can tell the person calmly and politely they are not comfortable discussing the matter. If people persist in their rudeness, birth mothers are under no obligation to continue the conversation and should remove themselves from the situation.
Counseling – especially group counseling with other birth mothers who placed their children for adoption – can be helpful in learning tips and techniques for dealing with intrusive people. Our staff can put birth mothers in touch with a support advocate as part of our post-adoption education services who can review group counseling options.
Care Net helps struggling birth mothers
The nurturing staff at Care Net helps struggling birth mothers through the adoption process. We are here for you every step of the way. Our judgment-free zone is designed to help birth mothers make the best choice for their pregnancy. Contact us today to schedule your free appointment.